Saturday, December 18, 2010

And the devil makes good use of these hands of mine.

I think I have had writer's block for about a year and a half now. My goal to publish my first book was not met this year, and I've gotten rejection letters from the last ten journals I've submitted to. It's hard not to feel disheartened.

Today I walked the entire perimeter of Walden Pond, in Concord. Thin ice was starting to creep towards the center, the sharp arc of it dipping at the edges.  There were dead aspen limbs lurching out of the still darkness. The sunset fell like a veil at one o'clock in the afternoon, golden for a moment and then all of a sudden night was there, ferocious and persistent and precise as a tooth saw. The Concord woods are beautiful, but not magnificent. I think Thoreau would have lost his shit over the Pacific Northwest, if he had ever seen it. Trees as big around as houses. I dreamt a few nights ago about seeing a gigantic sycamore in some little shoreline town, and blinking and rubbing my eyes until it revealed itself to be four trees intertwined in the fog which blurred the colors into one glorious organic monolith I thought could not exist in New England. California, I miss you, even in my dreams. I hope I continue to find value in my work here, or I will have to leave, as steadily and heartily as I have been leaving for years. I wish I could get rid of the part of me that wants to make friends with cowboys and sing in a folk band. And I don't mean those damn Brooklyn cowboys.





Holding down the fort.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, Dasha! This is John (starstruc.tumblr.com). I like your pictures! The winter Back East is pretty desolate, but just wait until summer... I've been to Walden Pond in the summer, and I can vouch that it is magnificent then! Just hang in there - you'll find that the summer Back East is like nothing you've ever experienced in CA. It's lush, green, humid, and every forest feels like some sort of jungle. With the people too, there's just this energy that all of a sudden, you can be alive again after being cooped up all winter. Just wait it out and give it a chance - I never thought I could love CA, but I do now! I still miss winter, and I'm sure you'll still miss some parts of CA, but you'll grow to like where you are. Best of luck!

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